You know the one. The “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation that so many tradies find themselves stuck in.
Because here’s the truth. For the men we work with, there are deep, primal instincts that shape how they show up in the world. And one of the strongest is the instinct to protect and provide.
The Deep Instinct to Provide (And the Pressure That Comes With It)
We see it all the time. Men who want nothing more than to make sure their families are safe, secure, and well looked after. This isn’t just a role they’ve chosen. It’s hardwired.
For many blokes, being a good man means being the provider. Full stop.
But these days, that one role has expanded into many. He’s expected to:
- Work the hours to keep the money coming in
- Be present and emotionally available
- Show up at bedtime, bath time, and school drop-offs
- Help out around the house
- Lead with strength but show empathy too
It’s no wonder so many good men feel like they’re falling short, even when they’re pushing themselves to their limits.
The Collision of Old Roles and New Expectations
Let’s be honest. The rules have changed.
It’s no longer enough to just bring home the pay cheque. Tradie men are also expected to be hands-on at home, emotionally engaged, and deeply involved in family life. And while that’s a positive shift, it’s incredibly hard to balance when the business demands never seem to let up.
I see this play out every day in the couples I work with. Men who feel pulled in two directions. They want to be there for their families, but they also feel the pressure to provide at a high level.
This constant tension often leads to guilt, frustration, and miscommunication at home.
Real Talk: What Tradie Men Are Actually Dealing With
Here’s how it looks in real life.
A wife says, “There’s not enough money in the bank.”
So he thinks, “Right, I’ll take on more work.”
Then she says, “But you’re never home.”
And he’s left standing there thinking, “What am I supposed to do?”
That’s the real story behind so many tradie households. It’s not about who’s right or wrong. It’s about impossible expectations and no clear road map on how to meet them without running yourself into the ground.
The Cost of Silence: Why Tradie Men Don’t Talk About This Stuff
We talk a lot about “mum guilt,” and rightly so. But there is another side that doesn’t get mentioned enough.
There is just as much dad guilt. The difference is that most men don’t speak about it.
Tradie men often carry this weight in silence. They’re not jumping on social media saying how torn they feel. They’re not texting their mates saying, “I don’t know how to keep the business running and still be a great dad.” But that doesn’t mean the pressure isn’t real.
When they finally sit down in a coaching session and the walls come down, it’s clear. The frustration, the worry, the fear of not being enough—it’s all there.
They are not just worried about money. They’re scared they’re failing their families.
Let Me Tell You a Story: Arnhem Land and the Guilt That Came With It
My partner Jace was offered an amazing job recently. Two weeks of fishing and work at Three Barrel Lodge in Arnhem Land. It was great money and a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
But my first reaction wasn’t excitement. It was, “But I want you here.”
Like so many women, my mind immediately went to all the logistics, the emotional load, the loneliness, the gap he’d leave behind.
And yet we needed the income. Our other businesses were stretching us. It made sense. But it didn’t feel easy. It created emotional tension.
And here’s the thing. We don’t even have kids yet. Imagine how much more that tension multiplies for tradie families who do.
So What’s the Answer? Start With Clarity, Not Guilt
There’s no perfect balance. But there is a better way to make decisions as a couple. One that doesn’t leave both partners constantly sacrificing, resenting, or guessing.
Start with clarity. And that begins with the numbers.
Step 1: Know Your Numbers
Sit down as a couple and figure out:
- What does it actually cost to live?
- What income makes us feel safe and comfortable?
- What are our goals that actually matter?
Step 2: Align Your Business Goals With Your Life
Once you know what’s needed, ask:
- Is the business generating enough income to cover that?
- Are the hours sustainable?
- What needs to change to bring things into alignment?
Step 3: Make Intentional Trade-Offs
Some examples include:
- Choosing more work hours now for long-term breathing room
- Reducing household spending temporarily
- Adjusting client load or raising prices
Step 4: Build Systems That Support Sustainability
This includes:
- Stronger quoting and margins
- Hiring where needed
- Bringing in support that understands both your life and your business
Tradie Men Are Doing It Tough—and It’s Not Always Obvious
Whether they’re earning $500K or $5M, we see tradie men carrying the same burden. They’re exhausted. Stuck between working more and being home more. And no matter what choice they make, they feel like it’s the wrong one.
They don’t always say it out loud. But it’s there.
They want to be present dads. They want to be successful business owners. They want to be solid, dependable partners.
And sometimes, they just need a little understanding too.
Ladies, if you’re reading this, know that your man is doing his best. Just like we want our mental load to be seen, his burden deserves space too.
How We Help: More Than Just Business Coaching
At Ladies With Tradies, we do things differently.
We look at the full picture. Business. Relationship. Family. Future. Because if building a successful business is breaking your marriage, what’s the point?
We help couples:
- Define realistic household needs
- Create a shared plan that works for both partners
- Set clear, fair goals so no one feels like they’re carrying the whole load
We are not here just to fix your quoting or clean up your systems. We’re here to help you feel more connected, more heard, and more empowered.
No Judgment. Just Real Help.
Tradie men, if you’re feeling torn or like you can’t win, we see you.
And to the women reading this, if you’re feeling unsupported, stretched, or unsure how to ask for what you need—we see you too.
You don’t have to keep doing this the hard way. We’ve been where you are. In our own relationships and our own businesses. And we’ve helped hundreds of tradie families get through the chaos to a place of real connection and clarity.
Ready to Start the Conversation?
Reach out if you want support.
Let’s stop the chaos together—in your business, your relationship, and your life.
We’re here when you’re ready. Book a call here with us!
