The biggest thing I am challenged with when I work with amazing mums, who, can I remind you, are ALSO business owners in this context, is seeing them destroyed by Mother Guilt. Insidious, awful, shameful Mother's Guilt. It breaks my heart into one squillion pieces. It makes me cry just how much Mothers beat themselves up.
I wish that Mother Guilt was not a thing. Because it rids my friends, clients and colleagues of sheer joy and fun with their families, it creates anxiety in women who feel they need to compete or do everything perfectly. It steals hours of sleep from mothers who are up all night’ preparing’ for the next effing thing that the school/sports club/mother’s group/any frigging group with ridiculous expectations has asked of them.
It steals wives from husbands. They lose the free, careless woman, full of adventure and fun - to a life of obligation and living up to some BS Instagram birthday party styling scenario that the kid doesn’t even care about! By the way - can we bring back the easy to make train cake or the racing car track figure of 8 out of that old school birthday cake book - what was it? Women’s Weekly or something? Those cakes rocked. And it didn’t mean spending $250 on a cake that the kid won’t even remember!
Then on top of that, there’s the guilt of being a business owner, having to go into the office, or check that email mid-sentence while baking a cake with your 6-year-old. It’s throwing 3 kids under 7 into the car to go run that errand or run to Bunning’s cos the Tradie needs something that interrupts the kids perfect playing time. Feeling like you will never get on top of anything or everything - never knowing if you are Arthur or Martha. Telling yourself, ‘my kids deserve more - I’m the worst for doing this to them every day.’
Now lady - if this is hitting some chords with you, I want you to do something for me.
Imagine reading/hearing these things from your best friend’s mouth.
Close your eyes and think of her face. Imagine her telling you she feels guilty about all of these things. That she never feels good enough. Imagine your heartbreaking for her. Listening to her telling you how bad she feels every day, trying to attend to every little intricate detail of the lives of her children and husband. Feeling like a failure. Feeling like she is about to break at any moment.
What would you say to her?
Pick up a pen, and write her a letter for me. Write that beautiful Mumma a letter and tell her all of the ways she is amazing. Tell her all the ways she is doing her best. All the ways that she is everything and more to you and to her family. All the ways you wish she could see herself the way you see her - stunning, strong, caring, determined, motivated, selfless.
Then, read that letter to YOURSELF, dear lady.
You need to be your own best friend in this life. Care and nurture yourself like you would your best friend. Now more than ever - the world is commanding of you Mum/Wife/Business owner. Now more than ever, you need to fight for yourself and your time for yourself to give to your brood.
Now more than ever, you need to carve your place for yourself. And only you. To love yourself harder, more passionately, to celebrate all you are and all you do, and to give yourself the biggest pat on the back for what you are about to conquer as a mother, a wife and a business owner.
Be kind to you. Be your best friend. And if you need some extra lovin’, message me. I’ll let you know how awesome you are - and how nobody can compare to you. Because they just can’t. And that is the truth.
Love on you, lady. Love on you. Please. The world needs you to love on you.
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